Moving on
by amiko23
Summary: Hae Soo needs to accept Chae Ryung's death, and decide what is next for her.


**Scarlet Heart: Ryeo Fan Fic, starting at the end of episode 18 (SBS version)**

Hae Soo ran her fingers lightly along the worn wooden bannisters of the stairs at Damiwon, her thoughts incoherent, remembering Chae Ryung and the happy times, or were they just oblivious times? Damiwon, the closest place in the palace she had to a home, yet the memories are slowly turning bitter. Feeling stifled in her room, she had come to Damiwon instinctively, thinking to find a place of solace but her heart felt no lighter than before.

"There you are," a familiar voice startled Hae Soo, and she looked up ahead of her.

"Greetings, Baek-Ah-nim," Hae Soo bowed.

"I was worried about you and you were not in your room. I'm glad I found you here."

Hae Soo managed a small smile. "I'm okay," she said softly.

"No, you're not. How can you be okay? After Noo-nim passed on, Chae Ryung was your only companion from home. Because you didn't know the truth, you've trusted her and loved her like a sister," Baek-Ah's look of concern was briefly distorted with disgust. "Let's grab a drink like the old days, and you can let it all out."

* * *

Back in her room with wine in her belly, Hae Soo felt her shoulders relax although her mind remained turbulent. "He had her killed like a dog. How could he?" Despite her years in Goryeo, Hae Soo had not been able to accept the brutality of early history.

"He gave her a chance to leave the palace and get away with her crime. She insisted on staying and continuing to spy."

"He could have sentenced her to a hanging, or poison, something more humane. To be beaten like a dog, when her only crime was being born a slave," Hae Soo's eyes teared up.

"I can see you don't like the brutality of it, but think of how Mu suffered for two years while he was being slowly poisoned. And how Eun-hyung-nim and hyung-su-nim died; was that any more humane? Forcing pye-ha to kill his own brother? Your plan to save Eun wouldn't have worked even if they managed to get to the tunnel. They had guards at the entrance ready because Chae Ryung told on them," Baek-Ah felt himself getting agitated thinking about Eun, and took a big gulp of wine to calm down.

"She betrayed you, and it's hard to accept it, but she did. It'll take you some time to get over this, but in the meantime, you need to not take it out on pye-ha," Baek-Ah felt guilty for piling on to Hae Soo's burdens, but some things needed to be said. "He has the nation to worry about. It would be better if he didn't also have to worry about you."

Hae Soo sighed, and looked at Baek-Ah. "Forgive me but I'm getting very tired. Maybe we will continue this some other time."

"Of course. It's getting very late," Baek-Ah rose. "Take care. I'll ask Woo Hee to visit you tomorrow."

The room felt even more suffocating after Baek-Ah left. Hae Soo looked at the wine in her cup, knowing that it wouldn't bring her any relief.

Responsibilities. She had tried to minimize the bloodshed, to change history, but it had only made things worse. Yo wasn't supposed to be king, yet because she made So promise to never kill his brothers, Yo survived and became king, wrecking havoc. In the end despite changing history, she wasn't able to save Eun.

She had seen the weight of the crown bring down Mu, a gentle soul who was probably never had the steel of character to be king, and Yo, a vicious devil who only outlasted Mu by a few years. Hae Soo knew that she was a source of comfort to So, but she was also a burden. She had to let So marry Yeon Hwa so that he could gain the support of the clans; if she didn't exist, So wouldn't have had to hesitate to do what was necessary. Gwangjong would stay a long time as king, this little she remembered from history lessons. "He'll be king for a long time, with or without me."

The candle on the table flickered its last and Hae Soo stared at the last wisps of soot floating in the air. It was late, and she should go to bed. She was tired, tired of it all. "I need to let him go," a tear trickled down her cheek. "For his sake, and for mine."


End file.
